


Christmas Shopping With Your Idiot Best Friend

by Krows



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Christmas, Destruction of holiday displays, I use the term saving very loosely, Idiots hanging out, Izaya doesn't like Santa, Izaya is kind of a loser, Izaya loves it when ho ho horrible things happen around him, Mall Santa - Freeform, Mall Shenanigans, Natural Disasters, Saving Christmas but at a small scale, Shinra being a simp, Swearing, a mall scale if you will, doing stupid stuff with friends, human disasters, last minute shopping, public tomfoolery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28313481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krows/pseuds/Krows
Summary: Shinra needs to get a last-minute present for Celty and calls up his oldest and most unlikable friend to join him because he knows Izaya won't be busy like everyone else.
Relationships: Kishitani Shinra & Orihara Izaya
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Christmas Shopping With Your Idiot Best Friend

It was Izaya's personal policy not to take phone calls before the office opened at 7:00am, but he still set down his coffee and paused to check the caller ID before letting it ring through. Shinra was calling awfully early. He would have expected his friend to be enjoying breakfast with the Dullahan right about now-especially on a couple's day like Christmas Eve. For a moment, he contemplated calling back, but decided against it. If it were really important, he could leave a message or call back during business hours. Being "friends" didn't mean that Shinra could just call whenever he wanted and expect Izaya to drop everything.

The phone began ringing again. Shinra. If he were calling twice in a row outside of usual operating hours, it was probably important. The last time this had happened, it had been after he'd been attacked in his home and wanted to warn Izaya to be extra careful. While the petty side of him was still upset about the hospital call, the logical side reminded him that he'd made his point and should probably just pick up.

"If you're calling before business hours, it better not be something stupid," he told Shinra.

"Finally, you answer! Jeez. I know you've always got like, three phones on you."

"And no patience. If you don't have anything to say, I'm hanging up-"

"No! Don't hang up. It's really, really important! I need your help."

A thrill of excitement ran through Izaya. Shinra was in trouble and the first person he'd called was his dear old friend. An excellent choice, obviously.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"It's Christmas Eve!"

So it was. 6:23 in the morning on Christmas Eve, to be precise.

"Yes."

"Go to the mall with me!"

"If Celty turned you down, that's not my problem," Izaya pinched the bridge of his nose, "I'm not going to be your date just because she had something better to do."

"No, you idiot," Shinra spat, "I'm taking her to look at lights tonight. My problem is that I don't have a present for her. She bought a fake tree and everything, and the present she got me is wrapped so beautifully I want to cry! I can't-"

Izaya hung up. He didn't have time to bum around the overcrowded mall with Shinra all day! After all, it was still technically a work day. Besides, he might have his own plans for the evening. What if he'd wanted to go people watch around some of the light displays, or if he'd been invited to a celebration?

When the phone rang again, he answered.

"I don't have time to watch you slobber over potential gifts at the mall all day," he said flatly, "I'm a busy man, Shinra."

"Like hell you're busy! Everyone's gonna be doing their own thing anyway, so work will be slow, and I know for a fact nobody else is gonna invite your lonely ass anywhere today, so get it in gear and meet me at the mall. It opens at 7:30. Don't be late!"

Click.

Izaya grit his teeth, but didn't redial to cancel. With an exasperated sigh, he marched his half-full mug to the sink and dumped it out. He'd have to start getting dressed immediately if he wanted to catch the train.

At 7:30, the mall wasn't open and Shinra hadn't arrived. Izaya stared blankly at the still-locked doors for a few moments before reaching for his phone and dialing a number he’d had memorized since middle school. Subconsciously, he ran his fingers over the item he’d stashed in his largest inner pocket-a backup for his friend, in case he didn’t find anything.

"Hey, Izaya! What's up?"

"The mall isn't even open yet. Where are you?"

"Oh, yeah. It doesn't open 'till 8:00. My bad. I'll be there in a few minutes. I double checked the timing and realized I could leave later, so I made a list of possible presents for Celty."

"And you didn't think to call back and tell me not to leave too early?"

"Dude, you're in info broker. You're supposed to know everything about the city. I assumed you'd do your homework before you left, but I guess you were just too excited to hang out with me all day!"

"I hate you."

"Don't say that! C'mon, I'm like, your best friend. I win by default. I guess it was kinda scummy of me to strand you there early, though, so I'll buy us breakfast on the way. Can you still not eat sweets first thing in the morning or did you get over that?"

"I-"

"I'll just get you a ham and cheese croissant. Coffee, too, with a bunch of milk but no sugar because your stomach hates fun."

"Just make it black." Izaya was going to need all the caffeine he could get to drag him through the rest of the day.

8:00am came and passed and the mall doors were unlocked. People began filing in and Shinra busied himself by watching them. This wasn’t the worst way he could be spending his morning, he supposed. He did love humans, after all.

He was in the middle of eavesdropping on some teenagers sitting nearby when a greasy, lukewarm paper bag landed in his lap. He could smell ham and cheese through the thin white material, and suspected that he’d be smelling it for the rest of the day as he examined the residue it left on his jacket.

“I’m here! And only fifteen minutes late,” Shinra beamed as he offered Izaya a large coffee.

“Twenty three minutes,” Izaya corrected before taking a sip of the still-hot coffee without bothering to check it first (he only blindly trusted food and drink from Shinra and Simon-anything else was suspicious). Immediately, he realized that Shinra had ignored his request to leave it black and had added a generous portion of creamer and what he suspected to be a small amount of cinnamon. It was quite good, if he was being honest. Black coffee was pretty bitter, but he avoided sweets in the morning. This was a good balance. He might actually start making it this way at home.

“I asked for it black,” he said.

“Black coffee sucks and we both know it. Celty suggested the cinnamon, so you should thank her next time you see her for being a beautiful genius.”

Perhaps he would find a way to thank Celty. A roundabout way, like dropping a bit of extra information for her, or distracting the troublesome traffic cop once or twice. Nothing overt.

“What’s on your list?” Izaya changed the subject, “We can try to plan which stores to browse based on your top priorities and call ahead to check stock of specific items.”

Shinra pulled out a small notepad and immediately began listing off items. Extra soft pajamas, nice smelling lotions and bath sets, miscellaneous cosplay items for the club Celty had joined on Erika’s request-the list went on and on.

“Forget what I said about calling ahead. Your list is all over the place, so we should just walk around.”

They hit a big name department store first and Izaya watched Shinra intently examine women’s pajamas, assessing the material, brand, and how comfortable he thought they’d be for his Dullahan wife.

“Hey, do you think these would work in the apartment? We keep it pretty warm. They’re super soft, but what if they’re too hot? I mean temperature hot. Celty’s hot no matter what she wears-hot looking, that is. You’ve seen her! But seriously, for pajamas, which ones do you think?”  
  
Izaya heaved a deep sigh. Shinra and Celty kept the apartment at 22 degrees Celsius-by all means, a warm and mild temperature. The pajamas in question were thick, incredibly soft, and plush to the touch. Good winter pajamas, but for people who slept in cooler conditions.

“Way too warm. Go with a more breathable material. Cotton-like those over there-will be soft but not suffocating.”

Shinra threw his arms around his friend, nearly causing him to dump the remainder of his coffee on the ground.

“Aah, you’re so smart! And she’ll look great in those-the red bottoms and cute little snowflake print? Adorable. This is why I brought you along.”

Izaya smoothed the wrinkles from his coat, doing his best to keep his grin smug.

“Well, while you finish deciding, I’ll go hold a place in line so we can get going faster.”

The lines were long, but not unbearably so, and they moved at a decent pace. Izaya busied himself by finishing off the croissant as he shuffled along toward the front. Just as he was beginning to worry that Shinra might not get there in time, his friend appeared and slipped in next to him, towing two pairs of pajamas.

“I got the soft ones too, just in case the heater breaks.”

Izaya rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything.

The next place they visited specialized in nice-smelling soaps, lotions, and candles.

“Izaya!”

Shinra caught his friend’s attention before spraying him in the face with some overly-sweet smelling seasonal body mist, sniffing the air.

“Hmm, not bad, but I don’t think she’d like it as much as the lavender one.”

Izaya grit his teeth.

“You’re aware they have test strips for that?”

“Duh.”

Once Shinra’s back was turned, Izaya got his revenge by blasting his friend with four random scents simultaneously, nearly getting both of them thrown out for horseplay. The tired-looking employee was kind enough to compromise by having the two shop separately, which conveniently gave Izaya the opportunity to wash his hands with a pleasantly scented scrub, removing the last bits of grease from his croissant.

As the two exited, Shinra pointed toward the center of the mall.

“Check it out! You can see the tree’s lights event hough it’s daytime. That’s pretty cool.” As they drew nearer, he grinned and poked Izaya in the ribs, “They’ve got a Santa, too. You’d better be on your best behavior, troublemaker.”

“Says the pervert dating a headless fairy and practicing underground medicine.” Izaya shoved his friend off, side-eyeing the mall Santa. He’d never much cared for that particular myth-the old man’s definitions of Naughty and Nice were too biased for Izaya’s taste. A little trouble in the mix kept things interesting for everyone-especially himself. Not to mention how the image had been transformed into a symbol of capitalistic consumption and lost most of its original meaning. Those things coupled with the fact that Shinra thought it was hilarious to leave coal on his doorstep four Christmases in a row had planted a seed of discontent with Santa in Izaya’s heart.

They window shopped for about another hour before heading to the food court for a break.

“I’ll go get our food,” Shinra offered, “You can chill out at a table or go window shop or something. The lines are pretty long, so it might take me a while.”

“Sure,” Izaya said, waving him off, “I’ll just walk around for a bit. Call me when you’re ready to eat.”

With that, he made his way to the escalator, ignoring the dirty looks he got as he sat on the moving railing. Standing normally was no fun.

He was in the middle of wandering about when the earthquake hit, strong enough to throw several people to the ground. With nothing to dive under, he settled for taking a knee and riding it out, keeping an eye out for things that he thought might be problematic if they fell.

Nothing in the immediate area was worrisome, but screams followed by a deafening crash confirmed his suspicion that the oversized, heavily decorated tree at the center had fallen. As the shaking subsided, he stood and shoved past the people hurrying outside to get a better look at the damage.

Several people were shakily extracting themselves from under the tree, some injured, but nothing dire. For its size, the tree was fairly light, especially at the top. Being fake and made of light, easy to move materials had minimized the damage of its descent.

As he approached the base, he caught sight of a red-clad man in a fake beard, pinned beneath both the tree and an oversized, velvety seat. Right away, he dialed Shinra.

“Hey, Izaya, I’m fine. The floor didn’t give out or anything. You okay?”

“Wonderful news! I’m fine, but Santa’s trapped in his Winter Wonderland. Tree fell right on him-the jolly bastard’s writhing beneath it as we speak.”

“Oh my God, Izaya that’s terrible! What the hell is wrong with you? I’ll be right there.”

“Chide me all you want, but you’re rushing here to get a look, too, aren’t you?”

“I’m a doctor you fucking idiot! I’m coming to help. Are there any kids trapped with him? Is he breathing?”

No, the children had escaped. Yes, Santa was still breathing. Izaya was sure that would be chalked up to a Christmas miracle in the tabloids.

“Hey! Izaya-Over here!” A familiar voice caught his attention, and he peered over the mangled remains of the holiday display. On the other side, he saw his sisters hurrying toward him. He made no move to close the distance, but called to them from where he stood.

“What are you two doing here?”

“Erika took us with to shop for cosplay stuff!” Mairu held up a couple of shopping bags, waving them around to emphasize her point.

“I meant why aren’t you going outside?” He wasn’t worried, of course. They were just being stupid.

“Well, why aren’t you?”

“I wanted to see Santa.” Izaya grinned, striking a pose in front of the disastrous Winter Wonderland, making sure that Santa was clearly visible benath the tree before snapping a picture on his phone.

“You’d better leave through the other exit,” Kururi warned, “Shizuo passed by on this side a few minutes ago.”

Oh, Shizuo was here? With any luck, he’d died in a freak accident as a result of the quake. Now _that_ would be a Christmas miracle.

“IZAYA!” Shinra was much, much too loud as he arrived at the scene, out of breath.

“You still,” he panted, “You still haven’t gotten him out?”

“Why would I do that? It’s not my job.”

“You’re such a dick. C’mere, we have to help him.”

Izaya wrinkled his nose. He really didn’t want to start screwing around in the debris. Already, he could see broken glass on the floor and worried that the extension cord keeping the lights going might be broken somewhere.

“Don’t just go touching everything,” he spat, grabbing Shinra’s coat, “Let the fire department take care of it.”

“He needs medical attention!”

“First he needs that stupid, gaudy piece of plastic off of him, but neither of us is going to be able to lift it, so let’s go before an aftershock knocks something else over and traps us in he-“ Izaya hardly registered that he was in danger, body moving on instinct as he dodged a mannequin display that flew past.

“Oh, cool-Shizuo’s here,” Shinra said, not bothering to acknowledge the attempt on his friend’s life as he flapped both arms around like an idiot, “HEY!! Shizuo, come help me save Santa from this tree! You can chase Izaya around later.”

So that’s how it was. Izaya kept his knife out as Shizuo approached.

“What’s it gonna be, Shizu-chan? Are you going to leave poor Santa trapped beneath a pile of rubble to assault me like the monster you are?”

“Can you two save your bitchiness for later? I’m trying to save Christmas here.” Shinra kept a finger on the back of Izaya’s blade, trying to angle it away from Shizuo, “I don’t really want either of you dying to put a damper on my date with Celty tonight, so just drop it for today.”

Shizu snorted, eyes shooting daggers at Izaya from behind his silly little sunglasses.

“Fine. My Christmas present to you is that I won’t kill that fleabag and shove this three down his throat.”

Izaya stuck his tongue out, but let his arm fall to his side. He wouldn’t put his knife away, but he was willing to be somewhat cooperative with the truce for the time being.

“Okay, Shizuo, you’re gonna try and lift the tree. Me and Izaya will drag Santa out from under it.”

“Can we help?” Mairu asked.

“Yeah, while we get Santa, you two make sure everyone who was trapped further up gets out. We probably can’t carry everybody, but we can at least make it easier for the paramedics when they get here.”

The plan worked well enough-Shizuo and his monster strength were more than enough to keep the tree out of the way while everyone else helped the injured. When they’d all done what they could and the paramedics arrived, they stepped out of the way and let the professionals take over.

Shizuo volunteered to take Izaya’s sisters to look for Erika. For the life of him, Izaya would never understand how those two could stand to be in his presence. Still, it got him out of his hair, so he didn’t make a fuss as the trio left to search the perimeter for the rest of their party.

“Well, I guess it could have been worse,” Shinra speculated as they watched ambulances pull away, “At least nobody died and I don’t think anyone’s injuries looked really serious either. We can check the news later and find out for sure. Oh-but it’ll have to be after my date with Celty. I can’t wait to surprise her with-“

Izaya watched idly as panic seized his friend, who was only just realizing that he’d lost his bags somewhere in the commotion.

“Crap! I left everything inside, and they’re not gonna let me back in to look! Izaya, my date’s in like three hours and I still have to wrap everything and get dressed and shower and-and I don’t even have anything to wrap anymore!”

Izaya patted Shinra on the back.

“Not to worry-I came prepared. I planned ahead in case you couldn’t find anything and brought a backup.”

Feeling incredibly smug, he reached into his jacket, sliding his hand into the large inside pocket and producing a small, well-worn leatherbound book with delicate pages, yellowed with age and softened along the edge from use. The cover boasted a title done in delicate, gold-painted calligraphy.

“What the hell is that?” Shinra eyed it, “I can’t even read the letters on the front. Is it English?”

“Gaelic, actually. It’s a rare collection of Irish fairytales and folklore. It was part of my personal collection, but I don’t have use for it anymore, so I brought it along just in case.”

He’d bought it while he was studying Dullahans and related folklore. It had been a good resource to start with, but he’d already painstakingly translated it for himself and saved it on a flash drive, along with pictures of any illustrations he found intriguing.

Shinra swiped it out of his hands, slipping through the pages excitedly.

“It’s perfect! I’m sure she’ll love it! We could read it together tomorrow, all snuggled up on the couch! You’re the best, Izaya.”

Yes. He was.

“Let’s head to the station,” Izaya advised, “You still have to wrap that and get ready and I have other matters to attend to today.”

“Pfft. Like hell you do.”

The two walked to the station together as they’d done throughout school. They ribbed each other back and forth and reminisced about the past. Shinra reminded Izaya of the dog incident, and in turn, Izaya reminded him of the time he’d wet the bed at a sleepover and tried to hide the evidence in the bathtub to keep Celty from seeing.

“Yeah, well it worked, didn’t it?”

“Only because I covered for you when she walked in by saying we’d spilled soda on it.”

“Oh, right. Thanks.”

The two parted ways to take their separate trains home. Izaya got off one stop before his usual and strolled around the city in the setting sun, taking a detour to check out a light display set up in the park.

As Shinra had predicted, Izaya hadn’t lost any business by joining the little excursion. No harm, no foul, he supposed. Unlike Shinra, he’d kept his purchases small enough to fit in his pockets and had lost nothing in the post-earthquake bustle. All in all, he’d enjoyed his day off hanging out with Shinra.

As he skipped through the light display, he made a mental note to print out his picture with Santa to keep on the fridge as a reminder of the fun he’d had.


End file.
